sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
