Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
