I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
