my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize