Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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