I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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