so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
