True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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