he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
