are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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