Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize