just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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