Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
