Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Even my vagina gasped.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
