I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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