is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
