Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
