pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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