dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
