mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sext me about skeletons
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
