omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
