I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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