I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
