I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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