Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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