Ambien. No doubt about it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
