i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
