I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're too hungover to prance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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