Define "chronic" masturbator.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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