I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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