What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize