I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
