This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
