I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
