I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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