no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
