I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
