he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
