My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
