All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
