I just pynch a tree in the face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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