I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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