Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
where does the pee come out of this thing
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
