The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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