Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
MIDGETS
????
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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