Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
