You made me cry and you don't even care
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
