those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
