I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I did not marry a roomba.
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