Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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