He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
