Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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