the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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