One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
