Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
