i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
