I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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