im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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