Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
