Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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