I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
