Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
