If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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