So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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