oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
