Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
