covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
one might say we're banned from that church
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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