I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
