She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
