Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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