There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
