he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize