Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
