let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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