So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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