So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
