Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
